gah, i dont even know how to start saying what i’ve been cooking up in my brain all morning whilst ive been doing the dishes, laundry, clean the litter boxes, sweeping floors…
i’m warning ya now, this is the most rambling, random blog post of mine yet. read on if you dare! you know i cant help but wander off into lalaland and then blurt it all out 
hmmm soooo…i’ll get right to it. why are you here? why do you care what i think? why DO we blog?? for the world to see??!?!
those are things that have floated around my mind since i moved to sillygolucky. do i really wanna be a bloggy bloggerton? obviously i’ve learned a great deal and changed my thoughts since that post, just a mere 2 months ago.
at that point, i was so concerned about getting people to visit and comment on my blog. i mean, i needed some recognition for all those hours i put in setting up, and PAYING for a host, and the agonizing pain-in-the-buttedness of moving over my archives (still working on it…!)…
i got so frustrated being a nobody in the blogosphere. it seems like everyone had their own little cliques and i couldnt be a part of it. even tho i dont have a world-changing opinion or advice to offer, i still wanted visitors and comments! we all do, right? cause if we didnt, we’d disable the comment section. 
hehe. we’d still have lurkers, but its just not the same.
it cracks me up to think i went through so many intense feelings of jr-high-ism, especially that first week. LOL!
but now, i feel differently. after quickly getting over the initial inexperienced blogger insecurities, now i find blogging is a good outlet for me. it feels good to write sporadically about anything i feel like. its fun to post things that are meaningful to me. i enjoy the feedback.
NaBloPoMo’s over, and im still posting every day. its an URGE. i kinda feel a commitment. like i might let someone down. i mean, im not getting paid for this! no one’s breathing down my neck. who might i let down? is this good? *starts pondering more deeply*
okay so for FUN, let’s remove ourselves from the trance of the internet. let’s sit back (NOT at your puter chair or wherever your laptop is! LOL.), look at life and the meaning of it, and absorb the realness of the people around us. pet your pet. pinch yourself. hug your honey. feel the warmth of the sun or the coldness of the snow outside.
yes, GET UP. go do one of those. NOW. oh dont be a poop, just do it and forget about my post for a sec. then come back!
*gives you like oh…10 minutes or so…*
hey…why are you still sitting there?? havent you ever heard of audience participation?? plus, im bossy. indulge me here. GO!!! LOL!
*waits and twiddles sommore*
hey, you’re back 
wb!!!
so why did you decide to come back and read? why do you care what i think?
this is kindasorta my view of the situation… (i’m saying kindasorta even tho it is REALLY what i think. but i’m giving myself psuedo-loophole in case someone decides to get jerky and argue with me. btw, im a bad debater—so dont even bother!)
(take two) this is kindasorta my view of the situation…i think we are lonely. over-stimulated. bored. over-worked. lacking. have too much. broke. rich. spiritual. worldly. under-appreciated. full of ourselves. friendless. popular. creative. aware. depraved. honest. seeking… discovering…
in a world where we have access to as many acquaintances as we could ever dream, how come its not enough? this causes me to ask, just how meaningful ARE these online relationships? is it lame and shallow to have so many online “friends?” am i demeaning the worth of my real life family and friends?
maybe you all have already hashed this out in your own mind and you’re saying, UH, DUH!?! and i’m just a late bloomer. LOL. quite possible. however i’m going to continue to spout off my thoughts…
are we so addicted to blogging because of the goody-gooey-acceptedness we feel being a part of this web that connects nearly all people in the world? definitely. in that large of a group of people, we’re bound to find those who agree with us (or disagree, if you’re looking for a debate), and that feels spiffy!
does blogging replace or add to some part of our lives so we, in this crazy age of technology, feel the urge to divulge the most personal parts of our souls and hearts to people we dont even know? that may appear to care but can literally walk away from you just by getting up out of their chair and stop looking at an electronic screen?
do our blog friends know more about us than the people who are real and tangible in our lives? is that right, or wrong, or does it even matter?
i dont know.
this is just another one of those things in life where ive started questioning—what good is this in my life? or in the lives of those who love me? is my blog a selfish, needy hobby? could i leave it and not feel guilty? what are my motivations for it?
maybe you’re one of the lucky people (IMHO) who doesnt have the strong NEED to be a part of something online. maybe you’re just a lurker, or maybe you can truly separate it from anything non-computer related. maybe you’re just a smart, non-needy human being who doesnt get caught up in trendy, wimpy hobbies like blogging.
but for me, i have to find reason and meaning in everything i do. even blogging. that’s just me. not that i pray over my blog or anything like that. LOL. (altho, maybe i should!)
and i’ll admit, i’m a bit naiive when it comes to people and ulterior (or lack of) motives. i mean, im not dim-witted, but i tend to want to believe people have honest intentions and are good at heart. obviously there ARE wicked and evil people on (and off) the internet. but can we ever completely shelter ourselves from them? then again, how smart is it to purposely put ourselves in their path?
and i sometimes think, should i be more anonymous?
soooo i know maybe some readers are saying, “GEEZ, stop reading between the lines so much! blogging’s fun. there’s no harm in it. people have a good time, blahblahblah…”
i know i know, this post isnt very “sillygolucky” of me, is it?? hehe! well, aside from my psychobabble about my complicated view of why we blog, obviously i ENJOY it. cause im blogging about it!! LOL! it IS fun. i enjoy getting comments. and i love reading what other people feel THEY must blog about. i’ve been pretty sheltered my whole life, so it gives me a different way to look at people and the world from an individual’s point of view instead of forming opinions through other types of biased media.
on the flipside, i love it when i stumble upon a blog whose author has the same world view as me. it makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, my way of wanting to contribute to society isnt so minority. and that all us dreamers out here can actually make a difference!! lol.
i’m one of those peeps who loves people…i love to connect…and i admit, in real life i dont have many close friends anymore. i used to, but life has changed. then i moved to a place where i didnt know anyone, and hey, its hard as an adult to “make friends” again…especially when i’ve been going thru so much of my own crap this year.
so anyhoo, YES, blogging fills in that gap, just a little bit! but i cant help but wonder if its healthy, or not! i need to think about my own boundaries, and decide how much attachment i should allow myself to have to my blog and the virtual world.
im not challenging anyone or judging. im just simply conveying something i think about, figuring that i’m not the only one. i’m not looking for a pat on the back or for anyone to say they agree with me. i dont need compliments or whatnot. i suppose im just on my own self-discovery journey and, like any other personal blogger out there, needed to get this off my chest!
after the initial dunk into the blogosphere, now i can step back and look at my blog and know that this is one of the ways i can make my little teeny mark in the world.
my only hope is that by God’s blessing someone else is better for it; cause even tho i no longer wear my long, red cape, i still think i can help “save the world” in my own little way. and if not that, then at least make someone smile or feel like they’re not alone. even if it is just by spreading a little kindness around through wires and screens.
there ARE hearts on the other side, and i dont want to ever be desensitized to that.
***classic cheesey, romantical AND sincere ending***
~josey~ <——- the i-think-too-much-but-it-always-makes-me-feel-better-blogger
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by the way, i’d like to thank olga for this rose…
Down to earth and a bit of a hippie, you are very into nature and the outdoors.
You’re highly reactive, energetic, and super charged.
The Giver
